Shower

Every day of our lives we go inside the shower to clean our physical selves.  But me, I go there to clean my physical self AND cleanse my mental state of being. Does that sound foolish? At times I feel so lonely and bored with my life that I have no idea what to do. Every time I’m alone and at private in the shower, my mind wanders and can’t avoid passing by the unhappy thoughts. Ever since I've really been an emotional type and I just can’t avoid it. My life has been like this for quite some time especially when I reached early teens and now having diabetes just made things worst.

For more or less 4 months now I've been waking up in the morning everyday praying that my sugar would be normal as we check. I face the needles like a pro, like I’m already prone to it and an expert in handling it. I face all those rotten food tasting herbal liquid remedies that everyone had been suggesting I try hoping it’ll cure me miraculously. And it always makes me cry, those ugly tastes in my taste buds. Plus, I have to be conscious every time I eat with my parents because they’re always bugging me of what I eat, how much I've eaten and whatever. Things like this already made me hate my life. What more knowing I have no one to confide to and talk to about all this and have no one to comfort me or make me feel better? My parents won’t understand. They’re selfish most of the time and think only of themselves. They always fight in front of me and my younger brother and don’t mind us hearing everything they’re arguing about, including those harsh swearwords my brother shouldn't be aware of. My friends won’t understand. My boyfriend didn't even bother to text me just to ask how I’m doing during this lonely summer days. No one will ever understand because they have never been in a situation like mine. They don’t have a boring life, they can eat whatever they wanted, they don’t have selfish parents, they have money, they have people to talk to and better yet, they don’t have diabetes. I never wanted to question why I have diabetes and I never wanted to hate my life for having this because I know everything happening has its purpose but right now I just can’t help it and I just do, I hate my life for having diabetes. It made things worse than they already are.

As I enter the shower my thoughts are all jumbled up. I have not even the slightest idea on how to stop myself from being so unhappy. I just sit under the shower and wish that I’d be somewhere far. Somewhere alone. Maybe a cliff will do, with all the beautiful view of Mother Nature. And maybe there, just maybe, I could have realized how wonderful life is and that I should appreciate it though how sad situations can be sometimes. I just want a breath of fresh air. Tears would fell. And as I refreshed myself under the shower I pray that when I get out of this little space, I’d be a little bit happier than I was when I entered.

My Definition Of True Love

Growing up I always thought true love was fairytale like, happy endings and prince charmings. I thought it was all about getting in trouble and having your night and shining armor to save you. I thought it was surpassing an evil witch and happy endings. I thought true love was red roses, expensive gifts, a kiss in the rain, deep explanations and a good story to tell. But growing up I’ve realized it was not about that at all.

See because true love for me is having ugly selfies, late night texts and getting mad when one falls asleep ahead. It’s getting mad over stupid things and breaking-up for nonsense reasons but eventually can’t resist each other’s presence. It’s saying all the wrong things at the worst moment. It’s being honest even if it hurts. It’s tears from laughter, tears from pain. It’s never running out of things to talk about and being comfortable in the silence of things. True love is watching the lamest movies together and arguing over who pays the jeepney fare. It’s spilling your feelings at 12AM when you should be asleep. It’s hearing that song on the radio that always make you smile. It’s nothing like any storybook you have ever read and it’s the worst story you could ever imagine but thank God it worked out anyways. True love is never losing the magic. True love is believing everything is worth it through it all.

I like my definition better anyways.

Article inspiration

Young girl

I'm 17 years old turning 18 this October. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last December 2013 and starting that moment my life totally changed. I've been wanting to write about this side of my life ever since my life shifted but I'm scared that other people might judge me or take pity on me and I never wanted that to happen. But on the bright side, I've realized that through my story, I want to inspire other people especially the young who are also in the same situation as me.

Type 1 diabetes is different from the diabetes we usually hear about, the one's our grandparents usually have. It's the type of diabetes wherein the pancreas can no longer supply enough insulin for the body. That is why I was prescribed to check my blood sugar and inject insulin twice a day every 6AM and 6PM. Currently I'm injecting 44 units every morning and 12 unites every evening. (only diabetics can understand this thing lol) It's really hard to wake up every 6 in the morning and be at home at 6 in the evening just to inject, especially for a college student like me. One of the worst things about being diabetic is the diet. Of course, no sweets! I also have to limit my rice from 1/2 cup to 1 cup at most. Less intake of carbs and meals are scheduled. After being diagnosed with diabetes, my parents started to get strict about everything! Sometimes, it's really hard to ask permissions from them and I have no other choice but to accept the rejections. In my entire life I never really expected I'd have this type of disease or whatever it is. No one in our family have diabetes. Sometimes, I just sit in the corner and wonder what went wrong, but some point i thought, not everything was destined to be right. Things like this are supposed be accepted no matter how hard it is because things like this are the ones we have no power of changing.